My Favourite Spam Part II

Hello, Döner Fans. If you enjoyed my earlier post, titled My Favourite Spam, then here is some more of exactly the same. Once again I have pushed my hand into the clammy confines of the spam filter and clawed out a handful of bizarre messages which somehow found their way to the Dr Döner website.

Some of them make sense, some of them don’t. As the writer Kahlil Gibran once observed, ‘our words are just crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind’. When I look at these spam messages, I imagine that the feast of the mind that spawned them was composed mostly of offal, bin refuse, and LSD. See if you can tease any meaning from the messages below, and feel free to send in your suggestions. (I promise they won’t just end up in the spam filter.) Enjoy another helping of my spam, Döner Fans!

What the world presumably looks like to writers of spam.

 

false email address: “WOW just what I was looking for. Came here by searching for different jerseys. Visit my web-site”

You came here by searching for jerseys did you, Mr ‘false email address’?

 

Romaine Monsour: “ATTENTION PLEASE! Being fat person is not your destiny! Let me introduce you the awesome new fat-loss system”

I made my choice when I started a blog about kebabs, and I will live with the flabby consequences on my own terms.

 

nfl jerseys earning: “Good day! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing! Also visit my blog post”

Your previous roommate sounds like my sort of guy. Can’t wait to read more about him on your blog post.

 

Katrina: “Was in actual fact shopping for just an average shower enclosures during which I uncovered this fabulous site, did not even know there were any such thing as a ‘steam shower enclosure’, wow, might possibly just may have to acquire one. Stop by my homepage steam shower whirlpool tub”

No worries ‘Katrina’, my blog gets mistaken for a shower enclosure shop all the time.

 

usmovingsvc: “Thank you for this site, can blissfully announce we are in possession of a steam shower of our very own and we think its great. Here is my web page; steam and shower”

I guess ‘Katrina’ told her friends too.

 

basenotes: “Really had to stress I am delighted that i came in your website.”

Really hope you didn’t actually come in my website, ‘basenotes’.

 

Earnest: “Furthermore, we will not really perform any examination of your credit history or ask inquisitive questions regarding your financial status.”

Kind of you, Earnest. I always find those questions so awkward when strangers ask them.

 

sex prostitutes: “You actually make it seem so easy together with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually something that I feel I’d by no means understand. It sort of feels too complicated and extremely huge for me. I’m looking forward on your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!”

You’re right, ‘sex prostitutes’, describing kebabs is quite a complicated matter. I will try to make my next post less indecipherable.

 

why are cats afraid of cucumbers videos: “Yelling at or hitting your cats isn’t only mean, it’ll backfire on you. Diet with proteins and proper food plan is rather important for cats they usually need continuous having access to water. Tell me more to do with it, how can my dog’s diet affect things.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought most life-forms needed continuous access to water? Did you write this message because you are feeding kebabs to your cat?

 

Jacques Poellinetz: “Hi there, You can exit your job right now. Click the link here to learn how. Have a Good day”

Presumably I can exit my job right now when I am fired for clicking on this suspicious link?

 

Rob Liefeld’s worst Rob Liefeld Drawings By Rob Liefeld: “LEAVE THIS, DONT BE SELFISH. DONT DELETE THIS.”

Oh I’ve done more than that, Rob Liefeld. I’ve published it for all to enjoy. No need to thank me!

 

That’s it again for now, Döner Fans. Inevitably, it does seem like there will be more again very soon. Cheers!

Dr. D