Snack Bailli, Ixelles

BRUSSELS. Always remember, Döner Fans: kebabs are like people… some of them will disappoint you. I was recently disappointed by a kebab on Rue du Bailli, in Ixelles. Let me explain.

Neon-edged disappointment looms out of the night.

Last weekend, Dr Döner was returning home from drinks on Place du Châtelain. It had been a pleasant evening. We had been entertained by a small chihuahua-like dog belonging to one of the guests, which had been passed adoringly around the table until it peed on someone. As the drinks were for someone’s birthday, Dr Döner was persuaded to consume something called a ‘Jäger bomb’ – an experience which he is in no hurry to repeat.

Fearing my own bowels might betray me in the same manner as the chihuahua’s, I took my leave and tottered off towards the tram stop at Bailli to catch the last tram home. On the way, I spotted the glowing shopfront of Snack Bailli, and could not resist ‘the old urge’. I went inside and ordered a pain turc.

The promising shopfront of Snack Bailli. Who can resist the old urge?

The man who served me spoke with a lilting drawl and ended each of his sentences with ‘OK?’ When it was time to pay, an elderly assistant emerged from an unseen backroom to take my €6.50, which he did slowly and laboriously, using the card machine as if he had never seen one before. I only just made it to Bailli in time to catch the tram.

Not that it mattered. By the time I alighted at Louise, the metros had stopped running. Anticipating a long walk home, I paused to eat my pain turc at the tram stop. The first bites told me everything I needed to know: this was a bad kebab. The salad consisted of dry shredded carrot and dry shredded cabbage. For most of the meal, I felt like this was all I was eating. There was not much meat, and what there was, was spongy and flavourless. Had I not been so desperate for sustenance, I might have thrown this disappointing cabbage sandwich in the bin. But I munched it down, lurking near the bike racks at Louise tram stop, before shuffling homeward along the Brussels Ring. It was a very poor kebab indeed.

Disappointment between two pieces of bread: cabbage and carrots, with a small meat garnish.

I don’t know what conclusions to draw from this, other than ‘be careful’. You never know when a bad kebab might hit you. The only consolation is that it will make the good kebabs taste all the better. Until next time, Döner Fans!

Louise is a lonely place to eat a kebab at night.

Results

Service: 3/5 (fine)

Atmosphere: 2/5 (clean but narrow)

Price: 3/5 (€6.50 is normal for Brussels these days)

Taste: 2/5 (disappointing and cabbagy)

Photographs by Dr Döner